Re-framing Negative Situations into Something Positive

This blog is not going to become one where I just talk about every time some kid calls Atticus’ tongue/lip a negative name.  I was shocked the first two times it happened, and was compelled to right about those exact instances, but now I have come to terms with the fact that those will not be isolated events.  This will keep happening.  Kids are kids – they have no filter, and they aren’t aware of the effects that their words have on other human beings.  I think the more important lesson to take away from these events, is that Brian and I re-frame how we look at them.

Atticus’ tongue was called ‘gross’ yesterday by a neighborhood 4 year old.  There were two other kids present at the time who stuck up for Atticus.  One even replied with, “no it’s not…it’s cute.”  She went on to explain that she wears glasses and that not everyone looks alike.

I have learned that I cannot shelter Atticus because of the fear that someone will say something negative about his tongue or lip.  What we need to do is actually expect it to happen, be strong when it does, and NEVER shy away from experiences.  The last thing I want to teach my child is to avoid situations just so that something negative won’t happen.  Basically, that is against everything I’d want to instill in any child and especially one who has a visible reason to be inclined to shy away.  No – that is not what I want for Atticus.  Right now he doesn’t understand what kids say about his tongue and he’s not afraid to go up and start playing.  That is what I want and NEED to preserve.

I don’t know what Atticus’ tongue and lip will look like when he is older.  They might be much less pronounced they they are now – but that area of his face will never look ‘normal’.  That is why he needs me and Brian to instill in him pride, confidence, and the inclination to not shy away from situations.  I want him to be the kid to say, “So what if my mouth looks a little different, I’m trying out for the school play!”

Me and Brian need to almost seek out situations where things like the negative comments might happen.  We need him to be exposed to other kids – not shelter him from them.  We need to use this time to build up our thick skins against the negative comments, while Atticus still cannot understand.  In a few years, it will be Atticus’ nature to go up to a new group of kids and start playing, and not be afraid of what they might say…because that is what his parents have modeled for him.  We will teach him to not be naive.  “Now Atticus,” I might say in a few years, “you know that kids might say something negative about your tongue/lip/speech.”  “I know mommy,” he will say, “but I will just explain that that is how I was born and I am proud of my journey and who I am.”

And we will look at each other and smile.