Valentine’s Day 2014

It is Valentine’s Day, which I really don’t think is a big deal since it’s important to show others that you love them everyday, but it’s still fun to have a holiday or a reason to go out to eat.  I think back to last Valentine’s Day – our first with Atticus – and how we spent it at Levine Children’s Hospital in Charlotte.  It was the first time Atticus was sick and he had bronchiolitis which swells the bronchioles that lead to the lungs and can be really serious in kids under age two.  Since he has a trach and was only 9 months at the time, his pediatrician admitted him to the hospital especially since his 02 saturations were low.

I remember thinking, OK this probably isn’t that serious, but when they told me we had to go to the hospital via ambulance, I realized that it was more serious than I had thought.  I thought we would just drive him over to the hospital.  That was my first time in an ambulance – another first that Atticus would experience way before his mom.  He was 9 months and I was 30.

My parents were visiting us from Pennsylvania for the week.  They arrived on a Saturday morning and we went out to Concord Mills and to Cabo Fish Taco on Saturday evening.  By the following Tuesday, Atticus was in the hospital and on oxygen.  Those days that he was in the hospital, we joked with my parents how he was just fine on Saturday when the picture below was taken and we jokingly referred to that picture as “simpler times”.

At Cabo Fish Taco 2/9/13

At Levine Children’s Hospital 2/14/13

The hospital stay cut into my parents trip a bit, but what are you going to do?  At least they were there to help and support us, and got to see another North Carolina hospital :).  Atticus spent his first Halloween in a hospital, his first Valentine’s Day in a hospital, and almost his first Thanksgiving.  It was a hectic first year, but we made it through.  Things are looking a lot better this Valentine’s Day.  I don’t think we are going to fight the crowd to go out to eat but we may do a family night at Whole Foods, which has become a new favorite weekend outing for us.

If you’re wondering how grocery shopping can be a fun family outing, then you must not have ever been to a Whole Foods before.  That is all for now.  Have a great Valentine’s Day and don’t eat too much candy!

One Year Since Tongue Reduction

Today is special for a lot of reasons.  Not only is it Atticus’ year and a half birthday, but it is also the year anniversary of his major tongue reduction surgery.  I’ve really been thinking about how far he has come this past year.  Back on November 7, 2012, we didn’t know what to expect after the surgery.  The doctors performing the surgery had only done one other tongue reduction, so we had very little information about recovery, how much blood he would lose, how long he would take to heal, and what things would be like afterwards.  Would this affect his ability to eat, speak, or taste food?  There were so many unknowns.  Atticus stayed sedated for a full four days after surgery and was even on paralytics so that he could not move.  I try to imagine that happening now.  At the time, I was OK with it because I’d rather he not be in any pain.  Now that he is so active, expressive, and talkative, I can’t even imagine seeing him lay there for four days straight without moving.  Me and Brian really had to be strong during that time, for ourselves, but also for Atticus.  Babies pick up on the emotions of their parents, so no matter how much I had to worry about or how upset I could have let myself become, I stayed strong and happy and positive for Atticus.  I learned to fight for the needs of my child.  I realized more than ever that me and Brian know Atticus better than anyone and, despite not being medical professionals, we know best what he needs.

I am so grateful that I had my parents with us on the day of surgery.  The surgeons didn’t end up taking Atticus back to the OR until around 4pm and surgery went until 6:30pm.  My parents helped to pass the time and keep our minds on other things.  Soon after my parents left, Brian’s mom came and she was a huge help as Atticus started to wake up and begin healing.  I am so thankful that despite living over 600 miles away, our parents stepped up to the plate and helped us through a very trying time.

And now here we are – 12 months later, and Atticus is doing wonderfully.  Some days, I think that his tongue looks so good that you can hardly even tell that it is big.  You know that his tongue has gotten a lot smaller when little kids will only notice that he has a big bottom lip.  His tongue used to be so large, that you couldn’t even see his bottom lip.  But, that is all cosmetic.  The really important things – like his eating, speaking, and breathing – are another source of joy and thankfulness that we experience every day.  Although he still has his trach, his O2 saturations are always perfect (unless he is sick).  He does not let his tongue get in the way of his eating!  I hardly even have to buy the pureed baby food anymore.  He has primarily moved on to table foods – I just have to mash them or stick them in the food processor to chop them up.  His favorite food is still sweet potatoes.

His language development is amazing.  He says ‘baby’,’car’,’da da’, ‘Ollie’, ’airplane’,’apple’,’what’s this?’, among others.  He loves to point to things and have you say what it is.  Every time he hears an airplane overhead (even in the house – his hearing is amazing!), he points up and says ‘airplane’.  When we are out, he points to babies and kids, even 10 year olds, and says ‘baby’.  I laugh and tell him, “No, you’re the baby!”

Atticus is also exceptionally detail-oriented.  He points to a car and I say ‘car’.  Then, he points to every part of the car, even the headlights and taillights and he wants me to tell him what they are.  He is used to his nurses taking his pulse, so when the nurse puts the stethoscope up to his heard, he flips his little wrist over as if he’s looking at a watch to take his pulse.  He doesn’t miss a trick – and he loves mimicking what he sees.

He has a smile that lights up the world.  I keep myself surrounded by pictures of his smiling face at work to remind myself that as long as I have him and his smiling face, that I have nothing to be unhappy about.

I love you, Atticus, and I am so proud of your strength.

Year Anniversary of Trach…and a Real Halloween

Hey Everyone!

I’ve been super busy lately with not a ton of time to write, but I quickly want to point out that today marks the year anniversary of Atticus’ tracheostomy.  I remember that day like it was yesterday.  Driving up to Wake Forest at 4:30 am and cherishing each little noise that Atticus made, knowing that I wouldn’t hear his voice or his cry again for a while.  Now that he is bigger, his airway is larger, and he wears a PMV, we get to enjoy his voice and his words, and for that I am grateful.

Although I never imagined that he would still have his tracheostomy a full year later, it is OK.  It provides him with a stable airway.  We will just take things one day at a time, and when the time is right for his trach to come out, it will come out.

Today also marks Atticus’ first REAL Halloween!  Last Halloween the little guy was sedated and getting his trach, in preparation for his major debulking surgery.  I’m so excited for him to experience a reall Halloween this year – with costumes and trick or treating.  I will post pictures of him in his costume soon!

Anyway, I am so grateful to look back to October 31, 2012 and see how far we have come.  Atticus continues to amaze me everyday and he keeps me grounded, he makes me realize what is important in life, and he makes me a better person.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

We’ve Come so Far, and Atticus’ Busy Schedule :)

Atticus turned a year and a half this past Monday.  As I reflect on the previous 20 months, I am so grateful for how everything has turned out.  I know that not every family is as lucky as we have been, and I will never take that for granted.  When we first found out that there was an ‘anomaly’ with our unborn baby, our whole world turned upside down.  Atticus’ enlarged tongue could have meant anything from an isolated random event to a severe genetic disorder.  Upon learning that this anomaly was a lymphatic malformation, we could breath a sigh of relief, although this would come with its own challenges.

We’ve come a long way from sitting down with a geneticist 20 months ago, going over everything that could possibly be wrong with Atticus.  Here he is, 20 months later, eating by mouth, drinking from a straw, and smart as can be.  He amazes me and Brian and his nurses on a daily basis.  It’s amazing the things that he picks up on.  He brushes his teeth, knows how to take his HME off his trach when he has to cough, and even tries to do his own trach care!  The other day he grabbed his shampoo and made the motion as if he was putting some in his hand and started pretending to wash his hair.  When I comb his hair, he grabs the comb and does it himself.  When I am unloading the dishwasher, he takes out his bowl and spoon and starts stirring.  He’s very independent for a 1.5 year old – and don’t try to hold his hand when he is walking outside – he is too big for that!

Atticus walking through the neighborhood.

Atticus has been really busy lately.  He had a visit from Nana and Grandpa (Brian’s parents from Pennsylvania) back in August.  Jennifer (a longtime friend of mine) and her son Cooper (3 years) came to visit for a weekend in September.  Cooper introduced Atticus to the movie Cars and Atticus is now collecting all of the little cars (they are his new favorite toys).  Don’t worry though, sweater cat has not taken a backseat.  Atticus still sleeps with sweater cat ever night!  Grandma and Grandpa (my parents from Pennsylvania) visited last week and had a ball with Atticus.  Atticus loved sharing his cars with them and picking out books for them to read to him.  They also treated us to Disney on Ice – which was great – enjoyable for kids and adults.

This past Sunday, we met up with another family (who lives about 3 hours from Charlotte) whose son also has lymphatic malformation.  This was the first face-to-face meeting with another child with LM that we have ever had.  It was so exciting to see Atticus with another little boy who has gone through so many similar things.  Because of the rare nature of LM, this was quite an amazing opportunity for us to connect with a family who can relate to our journey.  I can see Atticus and this little boy becoming life-long friends who will always have a special bond.

Atticus’ busy schedule continues as we travel to Brooklyn, NY to visit Aunt Maria and Uncle Billy.  I can’t wait for Atticus to experience his first flight and to walk up and down the streets of Brooklyn acting like he owns the place!

Tracheostomy and Tongue Reduction Surgery

This post will cover Atticus’ progress after leaving St. Louis Children’s Hospital NICU up until December of 2012.  We returned to our then-home, Champaign, IL, on May 18, 2012.  Doctors felt that Atticus might be in NICU for months learning how to eat, but since he proved that a big tongue was not going to get in the way of eating, they discharged him after only 11 days.  Brian’s mom, Pat, was staying with us for the month following Atticus’ arrival home.  We had a good time.  I’ll always remember our ‘movie night’ tradition.  How many Alfred Hitchcock movies did we watch in that month?  I’m not sure, but it was a lot!

On August 1, 2012, we packed up Atticus and our two cats (Mr. Sprinkles and Oliver) and drove over night to our new home of Charlotte, NC.  Atticus’ Ear Nose Throat (ENT) specialist  in St. Louis gave us the names of a few ENTs in North Carolina.  I did my research and decided on an ENT at Wake Forest Baptist Medical Center in Winston-Salem, NC.  I figured that if we didn’t ‘click’ or if this was out of the doctor’s realm of expertise, we could always try one of the other doctors on the list.  Wake Forest Hospital is about an hour and a half from Charlotte.  Back in the Midwest we were used to driving three hours from Champaign, IL to St. Louis, so and hour and a half seemed like nothing.

We met with Atticus’ Wake Forest ENT on August 13, 2012.  It was always a concern that we would get to the doctor and he would look at Atticus and say, “I have never dealt with this before.  I’m sorry, but I can’t help you.”  He didn’t though.  In fact, the ENT proceeded to tell us about another patient of his – a little boy – who had just undergone a tongue reduction surgery the prior year.  This little boy also has lymphatic malformation of the tongue.  I immediately felt better knowing that this doctor had seen this before, and was involved in other tongue reduction surgeries.

That day, we also met with a Plastic Surgeon at Wake Forest and she also seemed really confident in her ability to treat Atticus.  I liked their team approach.  The two of them (ENT and Plastic Surgery) would be Atticus’ main team of specialists.

Atticus was put on Propranolol, a medication typically used to decrease blood pressure  Propranolol has had good results in shrinking hemangiomas.  Atticus did not have a hemangioma though, but his doctors still felt it was worth trying.  It was pretty clear after a couple weeks that the Propranolol was not shrinking his tongue.  I wasn’t surprised.

At an appointment with ENT in late September of 2012, Atticus’ doctor dropped the bomb that he wanted to do the tongue reduction surgery soon, and by soon, he meant the following month.  We had still been thinking in the St. Louis model of not doing anything until after Atticus was a year old.  Not only did they want to do a tongue reduction surgery so soon but they also wanted to do a tracheostomy a week before the tongue reduction to ensure that there would be a stable airway during and after surgery, in case of major swelling.

That appointment really sticks out in my mind.  It was a lot to take in, and we just were not expecting this to move so quickly.  The idea of a tongue reduction surgery was a lot to digest.  I had never heard of anything like this before and it sounded rather barbaric.  A tongue reduction basically involves cutting a pie-shaped portion out of the middle of your tongue and sewing the sides of the tongue back together through the middle.  If you are imagining that being done on your own tongue, now imagine your tongue is about five times thicker.  Atticus’ tongue is a lot thicker than a normal tongue, so that is a lot of tissue that needs to be cut through and stitched back together.

Atticus’ doctor talked to us about the high risk of blood loss.  He explained that there is a large vascular component to Atticus’ malformation.  There last case of this was mostly lymphatic and since Atticus’ malformation is so vascular, they were worried about bleeding.

And then there was the trach.  I had thought that we passed that hurdle.  We were nearly certain that Atticus would be trached right after birth or at least before leaving the NICU.  He proved that he could breathe on his own, so a trach wasn’t necessary at that time.  The reason for the trach now was because of the possibility of swelling after surgery.  I don’t think the idea of Atticus getting a trach really bothered me until the ENT said the words, “I want you to understand that Atticus won’t be able to make sounds once he has the trach, at least at first.”  That was it.  I started to cry.  I remember looking at Atticus in the doctor’s office.  He was on my lap.  He had just recently started making sounds and now that was going to be taken away.  We wouldn’t even be able to hear him cry anymore.

My parents came to Charlotte to be with us and help out during the tracheostomy and tongue reduction surgery.  We all drove up to Wake Forest Hospital very early on the morning of October 31, 2012.  On his first Halloween, Atticus was put to sleep and his doctor inserted a trach into his neck.  While he was sedated, they also did an MRI to look at the malformation and see if it had spread at all and to see if it was still isolated to the front of the tongue and lower lip.  It took a while to perform the trach and do the MRI but finally we were able to see him.  He was in the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit (PICU) on all sorts of machines and tubes.  Seeing him like that was more intense than I was expecting.

The sedation started to wear off after a while and I remember Atticus looking up and starting to cry.  Only, no sounds were coming out.  I don’t even know how to describe it besides unsettling.  To see his face crying but not hear the cries…made me cry.  The Plastic Surgeon stopped by his PICU room that evening and she could tell I was upset.  I can’t even remember what she said but I remember her putting her arm around me and saying something that made me feel better.

Atticus was moved to Intermediate Care after a couple days and me, Bri, my mom, and dad all spent the next week hanging out with Atticus in his hospital room.  He would need to stay hospitalized for the next week while his tracheostomy healed and then the following Wednesday, November 7^th would be the big surgery – the tongue resection.

A few days following his tracheostomy, he was back to his normal self (except now breathing through a trach).  He seemed to get used to the trach very quickly.  Brian and I took the next week to learn everything we possibly could about trach care, including changing a trach which involves taking the trach completely out and inserting a new one.  That seemed really overwhelming at first but after a few times, it wasn’t so bad (now it’s so routine that we don’t even think about it).  All of the nurses in Intermediate Care quickly fell in love with this truly bouncing baby boy (we brought his Jumperoo to the hospital so he’d have something to do for the week).

Then, on November 7, 2012, Atticus underwent his tongue reduction surgery.  After trying to keep his mind off of not eating all day, they finally took him back to the operating room around 4pm.  The surgery took around two hours.  Me, my mom, my dad, and Brian were all sitting in the waiting room when the ENT and plastic surgeon came out to tell us how everything had gone.  Atticus had bled…a lot.  Atticus needed a blood transfusion, but he was doing well.  They removed as much of his tongue as they possibly could without compromising his tongue’s range of motion and other things.  We were immediately relieved to hear that everything had gone well.  The only thing that worried me was the risk of blood loss, but now that my fears were put to rest on that, I knew that everything would be OK.

It felt like forever, but we were finally able to go back to see him in PICU.  He was heavily sedated and also on paralytics so that there would be no risk of him messing with or trying to pull out the stitches from his tongue.  We were told to expect a lot of swelling and that it could take months for his tongue to go down to the size that it would now be.

Atticus spent three entire days completely sedated.  On Saturday, they started easing up on sedation and paralytics.  By Sunday, he was awake, but in a lot of pain.  I can’t even imagine the pain that he must have been feeling.  He had just had more than half of his tongue cut off and sewn back together.  The hardest part post-surgery was seeing him in so much pain.  Since he was so young (6 months exactly on the day of surgery), there was no way he could verbalize his pain, but you could just tell.

It was during that time at the hospital that I realized what a strong baby I had given birth to.  He had already gone through more in his 6 months than most.  He spent a total of three weeks in the hospital and ate through a feeding tube for about a month after surgery.  We were told that the recovery would be tough and that there would be bumps along the way.  Atticus did so well though.  The stitches all came out naturally.  Everything stayed intact, and the swelling eventually subsided.

He is a true fighter and always has a smile on his face no matter what.  Even with feeding tube, trach, arm restraints, and stitches in his tongue, he still smiles through it all.

11/23/12

12/6/12